Remember To Love Yourself

Try as I might, I cannot for the life of me find the true source

Before I become brutally honest, let me just say that I did not intend for the most recent posts to be so pink. That's just the way it has turned out and I only mostly don't care. OBVI.

For those of you who do not already know, I have epilepsy. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's similar to cancer in the way that, a lot of people are diagnosed with it, but there isn't a cure for it yet. Sure, some people can have surgeries that can get rid of their seizures, but some can't. Simply put, I am one of the few who cannot have a surgery. Even if I could, I don't know if I would, because the doctors ( I assume) are getting rid of a good sized chunk of your brain, that doesn't sound too appealing to me. Though maybe not having all my brain would be more appealing to me than having very terrifying seizures however often. Luckily, this is not a choice I have to make as of yet. 

Before I get too carried away, why is it that I am bringing up my epilepsy? Well, since the middle of August, I have been having more grand mal seizures than I have ever remembered. It's scary, not just for me, but honestly more so for my family. In August, at least we, for the most part, knew why I was having the seizures. I've had some this month, and I don't know why I've had them. Because of these many seizures, I had to make a plan for my life. Start being healthy, which means eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, having a limited time on technology, and whatever else that is considered healthy. 

The main thing I want to say is, life is hard, I promise, I know. It's hard to not beg the question, why? It's hard to feel positive when all you see is the negative. It's hard to even take initiative in your life, to have the desire to get back up and keep on keeping on. I still feel a lump in my chest, my fear of what's ahead. I still feel like I'm on an infinite emotional rollercoaster. You want to know something, though? You have an amazing family who will love and support you no matter what. You have friends who will send you pictures of baby animals cuddling, and little kids smiling, and you'll feel their love and warmth no matter how far away they may be. You'll somehow find the strength to continue, the sense knocked into of what you need to be doing. You'll be able to see the beauty of the world, whether it be the stars, the grass, or whatever it is you find beautiful. Most of all, don't be too hard on yourself, you are trying as best you can, and that is beautiful on its own. Love yourself.

Just remember. To live would be an awfully big adventure. -- Peter Pan,

Mercedes