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| Life is Tricky Baby, Stay in Your Magic |
It is stupid hard to find the source of images or really just original content. I'm very appreciative to all those who taught me about crediting the original creators, and um, ya know, plagiarism. Really what I'm getting at, is I'm pretty sure the source I used is the original, but I could very well be wrong.
Anywho, guys. Life is looking up, even if just a little bit, things are figuring themselves out and I can't tell you how GOOD that feels. I feel like I've been in a rut for a few months, and I really really hate ruts. Even though I hate ruts, it felt almost impossible to get out of, which is even worse. Ugh, guys I really can't describe to you how happy I am to be pretty much out.
This brings me to something else that I've had to come to terms with, and am still struggling with. I have discovered or at least believe, that I have anxiety. And guys, it's rough. Really I've discovered it does it's dirty work when I'm doing something related to finding a job. Which sucks. Let me paint a picture for you. You found a job, a great job. A job that you have some experience in, but also will gain experience that you could use for other potential jobs. And it pays well, and your future boss? They're fantastic! It's a little further than you'd like, but you tell yourself you can make it work. Because it'll be worth it. Next thing you know? You are crying, and having a panic attack on the floor of your bedroom in your towel, because you just got out of the shower.
Yeah, that was rough, and luckily you're blessed with a twin sister who is just an immense blessing. And while this experience was about 9 months ago, similar things have happened a few times since. I have this new found fear that I am unqualified for any job, even if I do have some of the qualifications. I just feel so scared, and stuck. Things like, "Who would want to hire you?", "There's someone better out there", and "You'll never find a job", creep their way into my head and make themselves comfortable.
I just want to say, I feel you, I get you. Anxiety is rough, and I don't think our society talks about it nearly enough, but I am happy to say that it's getting better. Some of us need medication, others need other things to help them, but hey, you do you, for you. I'm a firm believer that what works for you, may not work for me, and you know what? That's okay.
I also want to say, HAVING ANXIETY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT MOTIVATED. Even the most motivated of people, can indeed, have anxiety. I became more aware of this whilst watching an episode of This Is Us.
So be good, be aware, and most of all, be understanding. You may never know who has anxiety, and who doesn't. Believe it or not, this is impeccably hard to hit publish, but I'mma do for the sake of myself and the greater good ;)
To the best of the best listeners,
Mercedes
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