Figuring Things Out

Très Bien

For someone who talks so much, I don't know exactly how to put what I want to say into words.

Life has been hard, harder than it ever has been. It's been harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to tell myself that this will all pass, etc. And honestly, because it's been so hard, I'm starting to believe that it won't get better. Which I hate, because if life doesn't get better? Ugh, that'd be terrible. I think what I've discovered, is that having hard things happen to you as a child vs. as an adult, is pretty different. For multiple reasons I feel like I have to deal with this stuff by myself, which I know is not true, and that I have a big support system, it's just the attitude to "handle this like an adult". 

Again, I don't know how to word all of this in the best way. And I'm trying not to stray away from the topic of this post. Which is, with all of these hard things going on, I think the hardest thing has been answering basic conversation questions about my life, like 'what have you been up to?' This is hard to answer because I honestly don't have anything going on in my life worth talking about, or so I believe. I don't have a job, it's been harder to find one. I'm not in school, I don't have money for that yet. And for whatever reason, I feel when I say that I am not in school, or have a job, it's like I don't have those desires, and nothing else in my life is worth being asked about. I DO IN FACT have the desires to have a job and be in school.

I have also discovered this. People don't really ask you about what you're passionate about, or what your hobbies are. And I find that to be a little strange. Even if we have jobs, I personally believe that everyone would like to talk about something else at some point. Especially since most people don't have the most intriguing kinds of jobs. 

To sum this up. Yes, life is harder than hard right now, and I love talking to you, but if I could ask you one thing, it'd be this. Please ask me things other than 'do you have a job yet? and are you in school?' Because honestly, I feel kind of worthless when I need to answer those questions. That's on me, but that's the reality.

Ask me what my favorite season is, what are you reading? What do you enjoy most? Because we are more than what we do for a living, and where or if we went to school.

And you may ask me, Mercedes then why, if this post isn't all too positive, did you use a picture that says très bien? Well, I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on life, and if I can continue telling myself that life is still good, then I will do exactly that. 

Again, life is hard, but we'll all get through it, and even if we think we're alone, we really aren't. Go see your family or friends or whoever you feel comfortable talking to because they'll comfort you in any way they can.

I know I keep saying this, but I am unbelievably grateful for all of you; my family and friends. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

With love,

Mercedes